One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
