Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wear drunk well.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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