I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
false alarm. still invincible.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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