$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
