I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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