just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
