I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my being single is dangerous.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
