Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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