even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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