I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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