mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
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