He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
