She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
