Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
