OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My liver just broke up with me...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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