You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
