He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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