Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
