I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
