my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
