Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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