We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
