In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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