SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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