Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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