after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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