Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
