a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
