just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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