ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
