I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
