Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
