I got chris browned last night
Say something about gay babies.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
