I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
