No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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