btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
