So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
