She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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