He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
