do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
