College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Randomize
