it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
