I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
