So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
