He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
