Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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