When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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