But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
