Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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