dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
