I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
