we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
