i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
