I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
