I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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