i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
