Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
