Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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