Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
